.life.never.seems.to.be.so.painful.till.now.

2011-08-19T07:33:00.002+08:00

hey buddy! it's been ages ya? how have you been? did you missed me? first thing's first. happy birthday to me! wahahaha.. but it seems i'm not really happy. lol. hmm, i didn't sleep well the whole night. no idea. it was the same feelings like 2 years plus ago. i don't know whether it'll be the same ending though.

anyway just to share with you. it's my birthday today. thanks for being my listening ear for so long. =)

2011-03-15T22:54:00.001+08:00

hi my dear blog. its been ages i visited u. and i guess no one visits u anymore except me. well. sometimes i jus wonder whether im the right one for her. it jus seems like i can only make her upset when i shouldnt. tell me what should i do? hais. i jus wanna lead a simple life with her but its seems so hard. i guess its jus my problem. i dont seem to make a good bf. luck has been leaving me since like god knows when. there was a short period like 3 mths when i had everything i wanted. luck was with me. but it has left. i really need that bt of luck to stand up again. i dunno who i am anymore.i dunno wad i want anymore. im lost. its affecting everything in my fucking life. i dun want to have history repeating itself where someone i love leaves me jus before our 2nd yr. i had that once. i dun want it to happen again. God, if you hear me, pls help me. im really at my wits end. teach me and guide me the way. fuck my life. haha.

2010-11-15T23:35:00.003+08:00

it's been ages since i touched this blog. i guess no one reads it anymore. i shall just be typing something emo again. haha.

seriously why be a hypocrite? you were. yes were. after what i've known today. you were once someone whom i trust, someone whom i share my sorrows and unhappiness with and yet you stabbed me in the back with the bunch of kids. well done. the kids are nothing to me, but you meant something. since you've broken the trust. it's alright. having one less friend like you wouldn't make my life worst.

somehow, i've gotta thank this new kid on the block for telling me so much. i shall not name names here. incase of any repercussions. so i guess this is life, i shall decide to be someone who don't trust anyone ANYMORE. like what my cousin said. these kinda people are all around you. do NOT trust them totally, always stay neutral and just don't bother about all these things. maybe she's right. i shall not care and do my own stuffs from now onwards.

baby told me exactly the same too. why wanna bother? i shall just treat you as a hi-bye friend from now on. i think after letting people make use of me for so long. it's time for me to think more for myself.

a word of advice to all, never trust ANYONE and i mean ANYONE except yourself. or maybe you can trusting ur loved ones. nevertheless, the loved ones might be the ones who hurt you most at the end of the day.

i'm starting to hate waking up. the dreaded feeling sucks. but somehow i have no chose but to do it. just a few more months to go. bryan you can do it! i guess i really need some words of wisdom from anyone. i shall just try to stay happy. luckily for me, i've got my bro yuanjie. lol. my bunch of idiotic friends like qz, pek, mel. lastly, my dearest baby.

i guess they are the only ones i really trust. no to others.. sorry to be hurting anyone, but somehow i've learnt from my lessons. not once but twice. so to those who are really sincere, it's not that i'm not friendly or i do not trust you. it's just that it's really hard for me to trust someone right now.

everyday i have bad feelings surrounding me. i know i've went through even worst times than what i'm going through now. still, i can't help it but to feel demoralised. someone, please do me a favour. help me will you? i wouldn't say it's depression, neither is it a burnout. i'm in the middle of both. i guess. anyone can actually tell me what to do?

2010-01-12T23:54:00.001+08:00

suddenly, i feel really really down. the unwanted feeling. well, maybe....... i don't know either.......

2009-11-20T00:13:00.002+08:00

i was surprised to see that this will be my 400th post in this blog.

for the past few days, unhappy things have happened. please tell me what i can do. i really don't want anything to happen to you my dear. why don't you just tell me? it hurts and it really does. it's not just hurting me, but it is hurting both of us. i want you to be happy. i want you to share your problems with me.

someone, please tell me what i can do.

2009-11-09T22:53:00.002+08:00

yeah, out of the blue right? yes, i'm blogging. HAHA!

hmm, things have been settling down definitely. baby and me have been doing alright. things have become better and better. i hope that just means settling down well right?

yes, to my 4e1 peeps. i'm pretty sorry for not being able to really stay late with you guys. cause i've started to have more commitments, hope you guys understand. but of course, i'm still really looking forward to meet up with all of you peeps whenever there's a gathering. =D miss you guys loads definitely. hehe. =D

i'm also glad i'm finally playing games again! as i mentioned earlier, since i've already settled down, i'm trying to find some time out to play games so as i can relax myself from stress. so i'm feeling pretty good being back to playing games.

lastly of course, to my dearest baby. i'm just glad that everything seems to be fine now. i know now and then we still have quarrels, but i know u've been giving in. but believe me my dear, i'm also trying. i know sometimes it's my temper, but i'm trying hard. thanks for having faith in me. i love you. =D

2009-09-11T23:38:00.001+08:00

i need some enlightenment badly.

2009-06-28T09:19:00.002+08:00

the difference between being happy and being unhappy is just so thin.. haha.. i realised that out of the sudden.. becos i always thought it would be extreme.. but actually its just so thin.. and how do u define them? i think i need some enlightenment on that.. at the end of the day.. i just wish i am happy.. cos i feel like im back in the past.. maybe many doesnt know what i mean.. but i myself know.. =)

in anyway.. dad's going on stage later on.. i wish him all the best.. and i feel very excited for him though.. but yeah.. being in a moody state of mine.. i chose not to talk to him.. just wish him all the best in my heart.. =)

2009-06-21T09:42:00.002+08:00

honestly, i have no idea why am i even blogging this post.. i think i just need to speak to my beloved diary again.. feeling god damn lousy now..

can someone just kindly teach me what can i do? just anyone pretty please.. teach me.. my heart's crying.. it hurts.. suddenly i feel empty.. the most important person doesn't wanna talk to me.. maybe there's really a problem with me i guess..

i might not be perfect.. i know i have many flaws.. i know i've always made you upset.. i know everything.. but it seems that i've never done a good job rectifiying the problem.. sometimes i'm just speechless..

baby.. would you please just let me tell you how i really feel about you? i'm not good at words.. i keep repeating my words.. because i don't know how can i tell you..

i still remember the day we met.. it was just pure coincidence.. being in a boss and worker relationship.. we blossomed that relationship to what we are now.. i remember everything single thing you tell me.. and i remember every single event we did together..

expectations get higher and higher.. i just want to tell you that i'm sure i want you.. i mean what i've said to you.. i'm really serious.. i know i need to learn.. but you don't want to waste so much time just for me to learn.. but give me the opportunity.. don't shut the door on me.. because i really love you..

2009-06-07T23:44:00.004+08:00

recently has been doing ok.. not good not bad.. the only plus point is i get to see my baby everyday.. haha.. well.. definitely lacking alot of sleep nowadays as my camp is god damn far.. but well.. what to do?

hmm.. really didnt do much this weekend.. all i did was to spend time with dad and mum and baby.. hopefully nxt week will get to do much more stuffs.. hehe..

finally got my wish.. thanks.. =)

and yes.. baby i love you =)

2009-05-14T14:23:00.001+08:00

i love my baby. =D

2009-05-09T07:49:00.002+08:00

hi!!! im finally back.. haha.. its pretty cool out there in NS.. but its also kinda boring.. so im really happy to be back.. although ya.. the timing im blogging is quite funny too.. but nvm.. haha..

came back.. met baby at pasir ris interchange.. so cabbed home to meet up with mum b4 heading down to whampoa for dinner with cousins and big aunt.. and of cos my dad! haha.. headed down to this chinese restaurant.. a small one.. the food was ok.. but of cos im scared of rice.. after the servings given in NS.. but well.. just enjoy sitting down with my loved ones having dinner.. its cool..

and of cos.. thanks alot baby.. for the gifts u've given to me.. i really appreciate them.. and i love you.. =)

nothing much to blog about.. just wanna let all of my dear frens know.. i've booked out!~ =D

2009-04-24T00:37:00.002+08:00

hi people.. this is gonna be my last post b4 i head to NS on the 24th april at 1130am..

feeling really strange now.. dont really know how am i gonna explain.. but in anyway.. im gonna miss loads of people.. my parents.. my 4e1 buddies.. and most imptly.. my baby serene..

so meanwhile.. 4e1 peeps.. do continue updating me on any outings even if im not able to join u guys.. but at least i do know that everyone's having real fun out there.. but sadly to say.. im gonna be a government's slave for 2 years with meagre pay.. HAHA..

i think 2 years would be a good test of my character.. and of cos.. and testament of my relationship with you.. im gonna fight real hard for the 2 years.. for my future.. for my buddies and for you..

signing off already guys.. dont miss me too much.. but of cos i'll miss you guys loads.. haha..

baby.. i will definitely miss you.. =)

2009-04-14T23:34:00.002+08:00

i'll be heading to serve the nation in around 10 days time.. so actually feeling kinda mixed up.. cos i dont noe how will i actually get used to it.. or how much i'll miss my loved ones.. i'm gonna be away from home for 2 years.. i've never been away for so long.. well.. i guess 2 years is gonna pass real fast..

anyway.. i think everything has been ok so far.. and thankfully.. we are doing good my dear.. thanks alot.. and i actually feels that she's got interesting friends.. just like mine.. haha.. now i finally understand the importance of them to u.. =D

feel tired today.. but ultimately very happy.. =) shall end here.. hehe..

2009-04-14T00:17:00.000+08:00

2009-04-08T23:31:00.002+08:00

just when i thought my life's getting better.. it seems to be a lil messier again.. came home just now and got totally roasted by my mum for whatever reasons which i dont noe.. totally sick of it.. im totally worn out today after swimming and bballing..

cant i have some peace when i come home? i dont understand why.. total crap..

and to u baby.. whatever it is.. i've summarized sentences to just 4 words.. u can take whatever i say as total nonsense.. but those 4 words are just my heartfelt words.. i couldnt think of anything else to say.. and since u wanted me to summarize.. thats the only think that came from my heart.. nothing else..

i need to make myself learn from mistakes and excel.. im just want a simple life where i can enjoy with someone i love and my family.. i admit that i might be slow sometimes.. or rather always.. haha.. think i gotta make my brains function a lil faster.. too slow.. even im hating myself for being a lil slow sometimes..

nevertheless.. home sweet home..

2009-04-05T23:21:00.002+08:00

i thought the lyrics of Chris Brown ft Keri Hilson's Superhuman were really meaningful.. i guess that's how i really feel =)

Weak
I had been crying and crying for weeks
How'd I survive when i could barely speak?
Barely eat, on my knees

But that's the moment you came to me
I don't know what your love has done to me
Think i'm invincible
I see through the me I used to be

You changed my whole life
Don't know what you're doing
To me with your love

I'm feeling all superhuman you did this to me
A superhuman heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with u

Superhuman
I feel so superhuman
Superhuman
I feel so superhuman
Superhuman

Strong
Since I been flying and righting the wrongs
Feel almost like I had it all along
I can see tomorrow

Where every problem is gone because
I flew everywhere with love inside of me
It's unbelievable to see
How love can set me free

You changed my whole life
Don't know what you are doing
To me with your love

I'm feeling superhuman you did this to me
A superhuman heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with you

Superhuman
I feel so superhuman
Superhuman
I feel so superhuman
Superhuman

It's not a bird, not a plane
It's my heart and it's going gone away
My only weakness is you, only reason is you
Every minute with you i feel like i can do anything
Going, going I'm gone away, Love!

You changed my whole life
Don't know what you are doing
To me with your love

I'm feeling all superhuman you did this to me
A superhuman heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with you

Superhuman
Superhuman

listening to the song and reading through the lyrics.. i finally understand.. it takes a superhuman effort to love someone really deeply.. its important to keep going.. its not easy.. but nothing's ever easy.. when someone u love has such a big influence in ur life.. u should even treasure them more.. its hard to find someone who has such a big influence.. but if found.. never let go.. =)

2009-04-02T12:41:00.001+08:00

its like so complicating u see.. i dunno how it'll work out.. but if life's tough.. i'll be tougher.. =)

2009-03-30T00:14:00.002+08:00

had a pretty eventful day today.. haha.. woke up real early today to go over to 4th aunt's hse b4 waiting for a dreadful 2 hrs to go to the cemetery.. yeap.. its the qing ming period again.. as usual like previous years.. parents and relatives cried becos they misses grandma.. i can understand that.. its like just so recent although it had been sooo many years.. but well.. life has to go on.. reminiscing is alright.. but we must not stay at where we are.. we hafta keep moving on.. =)

after that headed home to take a nap.. b4 baby called and we decided to meet up and head to cwp with her sis and that 2 cute lil twin brothers.. had lots of fun with them honestly.. becos being the only child.. i've never been able to have the luxury to enjoy this kind of sibling relationship.. so im actually very happy to be able to join them and have fun with them.. haha..

i really need to save more i think.. heading to NS in less den 1 mths' time.. im not sure whether im actually nervous or actually looking forward to join NS.. but i guess thats wad every singaporean man has to go through.. 2 years is not long.. and its not short either.. i just hope everything i've planned for will work out well.. becos i have hope and faith.. i dun wanna think too much about it though.. cos i just wanna enjoy every single moment being spent now.. especially with u.. it might not be the best.. but at least i hope u will be happy.. and i want u to be happy..

life is full of ups and downs.. i had hardships and i had happiness.. and right now im reflecting on my day again.. i shall blog again.. =) haha..

2009-03-27T03:17:00.001+08:00

i dunno what should i actually say.. but i just wanna say i love you..

i dun need fanciful words to explain myself.. i just need 3 words to let the world know.. thank you for being there.. =)

2009-03-25T23:08:00.000+08:00

i always knew my 6th sense is very accurate.. but for this time.. please let it be inaccurate.. pretty please.. hais..

2009-03-20T01:38:00.002+08:00

when i see her...i dream to be with her forever...
when i dream of her...i want to love her like hell...
when i want her...i miss her like no world like that...
when i miss her...i know that she misses me too...
when i know she miss me...i love her more..
when i love her...she said she love me too..

loves
zhiling

2009-03-19T02:09:00.002+08:00

never get confused.. cos i'll be the one who will be there to support u.. its not easy to find a partner who loves u as much as u love him.. i believe it'll definitely go on well..

faith, love, trust will bring us even closer.. 18th march 1632 =)

2009-03-17T05:06:00.002+08:00

just b4 i head to bed at this kinda weird hrs.. got something to blog about..

and yes to u.. mr faris alvin lim.. i rmbed u trying to act mature and tell me all those shits infront of regina.. i also rmb all the shits u tried to do behind my back.. trying to compare me and u.. trying to prove to regina that u'll be with her longer den i do..

so i guess u arent that mature afterall? lol? dun make me laugh my ass off.. i really hate it when u give that "i-know-it-all" attitude.. it pisses me off.. why bother to say crude words to me behind my back and act so nice when u see me? who's the hypocrite? and who's the childish one who keeps comparing? who's the one who hurt regina most? i dont think its me.. regina is someone who nv regrets on her decision.. if she can come and tell me she's kinda sorry.. den i think the problem lies with u.. if i were to scale my 2 years at 100 marks.. u wont even have made the passing grade dude.. 10 mths.. and i believe it was way b4 10 mths.. regina lost faith in u.. so this is ur definition of perfect bf?

u dont even deserve her.. im glad at least now she's got someone who bothers and cares for her and most imptly.. that someone wouldnt ever use HER money..

for all u've said and try to bastard me.. all i've gotta say is that u are such a joke.. a big big joke.. and u are a disgrace to men.. =)

oh ya.. to add on.. i've gotta thank you too.. because without u being such a dick.. i wouldnt have found my love now.. thanks alot =).. and i love my gf to bits.. its all ur contribution.. =D

oh.. on a side note.. darling.. i think both of us are clearer on wad we want now already.. i love u to bits.. and i'll be there holding u and supporting u.. because.. i love you.. =)

2009-03-16T01:36:00.001+08:00

although it was just 2 hrs.. i guess it was more than enough.. by telling you all those that i've said.. im sure that im ready to face it..

i hope u enjoy that 2 hrs.. hope its memorable enough for u alright?

just sooooo happy today.. heh..

2009-03-15T01:15:00.002+08:00

just reached home.. so wanted to tell my sweet darling a happy 20th bday.. =)

i noe u were kinda angry this afternoon but then.. i had no qualms letting u bite my arm u see.. its still really hurting but.. i think its ok la.. =D was just to happy to be able to see u and send u to work..

told me that u had a surprise.. well i think tml u might get a bigger surprise.. =p dont think too much about it.. and u'll noe tml.. haha =D

anyway today was good.. been ages since i had such a gd game with the boys.. thanks alot for reigniting my interests in the game..

p.s. misses u loads.. =)

2009-03-13T01:35:00.000+08:00

i think im very fortunate.. im lucky to have met u.. im really happy =)

in anyway.. i meant whatever i said.. i dont really bother bout wad happened to u in the past.. but i guess im just happy to be able to spend time with u.. i guess u are happy too.. but as i noe u.. u are someone who shows actions but doesnt say them out.. and im pretty fine with it.. im not afraid of embarrassment.. like i've said.. i eat the bullets for u laaaa~ =D

hopefully u dont doubt me.. i still rmb wad u told me at the mrt station while waiting for ur fren.. honestly speaking.. when u said "dont fall in love with u" at the train station.. i was kinda disappointed.. but after u clarified.. was really happy laaaaa..

i think u dont mean saying that sentence right? thats why u clarified urself almost immediately.. u look rather flustered and thats really cute of u.. im not asking much.. just hope that everything goes out fine.. its been ages or rather should i say i've never felt like this.. im not someone who believes in love at 1st sight.. but i guess u are the 1st..

maybe like u said.. its still too early to really noe wads gonna happen.. but i believe its gonna work out just fine..

i think for the 1st time im telling u.. i love you.. =)

2009-03-08T10:19:00.001+08:00

ahh.. so i guess.. "surprises" never stop coming.. shit.. zz..

2009-02-19T19:22:00.002+08:00

suddenly just felt like blogging.. honestly speaking.. how many of us cherish our family members? as in really respecting them and spend precious times with them?

i dunno.. and i guess no one noes either.. it seems like we are so used to them that they are taken for granted.. got a bad news.. i dunno how long will my dad stay in this world after this post.. he went for his follow-up for his heart problem stuffs.. and the doctor said that his heart is failing.. and its not functioning well.. so basically its equal to he might go anytime.. when i heard that i was shocked.. but wad else can i do?

since young, my dad has been the one who's been giving me things that i wanted.. although not all.. but most of it.. now that im already an adult.. i used to think about the past.. i just hope that he'll become better.. he'll live till the day im gonna get married and hopefully that he gets to see his own grandson or granddaughter.. but i dunno whether that day will come.. im not being pessimistic.. but his health has been going downwards like since 4-5 years ago since my grandma passed away.. he's been so stressed up with so many things.. and my mum has been nagging at him always.. so its kinda pissing me off.. and obviously.. i havent been the best of sons to him also..

if he does leave this world.. im one of the culprits.. if there's god.. hopefully tell me what can i do..

2009-02-11T01:02:00.002+08:00

i noe i havent been blogging.. thats becos nth much has happened recently.. but today.. got something to blog about already!.. haha..

well.. ended work at 530.. went over to town to pick yuan ching up.. supposedly she wanted to go interview.. ended up.. she is just being pure lazy and she skipped that interview of hers.. so we went kinda went chomp chomp for dinner.. let me tell u guys a big secret.. SHE'S A SUPER BIG EATER LA!!.. HAHA =x sad to say no pictures to show.. but den she was scary(hopefully she doesnt see this).. haha..

after dinner was like walking around and exploring serangoon gardens.. nth much in particular.. and ended up at a desert shop by the name of ice³.. the waffles arent up to standard at all.. just didnt like the waffles.. not niceeeeeee.. oh ya.. also helped her look thru her essay thingy.. well.. i hafta say she has big big dreams for her future.. i believe she'll be able to do it definitely =)

it was a nice day out.. chilling.. but pls.. nxt time if any of the 4e1 peeps are meeting yuan ching.. make sure she dun eat sooo much.. HAHA!!

p.s on a side note.. hopefully that ms jacqueline chi gets her job soon.. =D

2009-01-26T11:40:00.003+08:00

morning everyone.. its CNY!.. haha.. ah yes.. the day for us to collect $$ has come~~ omgosh.. haha.. anyway.. guys.. do take good care of urselfs during this festive period as the food can be quite heaty.. im actually feeling a lil sore in my throat already.. so please take care alright?

well.. thought about it alot ytd night.. and i felt its still the best option.. i hope everything works out well.. =D and to that shaun seah.. im happy for u bro.. hopefully u will grow up.. and i believe u will la.. stay happy and treasure every moment =)

since its cny.. no emo post.. i hereby wishes EVERYONE a very happy and prosperous chinese niu year~~ haha.. =D

HUAT AH~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4E1 HUAT AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-01-05T00:39:00.003+08:00

ok its already 2009.. and finally there are tonnes of things i can actually update about..

hanging out with 4e1 peeps have been pure fun.. cos we did things that we've never done b4.. like going out on a nature walk at sungei buloh.. or even like going singing together.. shopping together and even going for picnics.. i guess after so long.. the bonds are really stronger..

i looked back to the past.. i realised i missed out alot.. i think u guys are the ones who are the most important now.. we've learnt how to give and take now.. its so unlike the past when we used to quarrel over lil things.. i guess thats growing up isnt it?

this year.. i'll be 22.. oh gosh.. i really dont wanna grow up.. if time could be frozen.. i would rather it stays like that forever.. becos.. im really enjoying every moment of what we are doing now.. i swear.. =)

like i've said.. i honestly have no resolutions for 2009.. becos i dun see the need to.. just hopefully i'll live happily everyday.. spending precious time with people that are very important to me.. im sure its slow.. but i think im doing well in adapting with my current life style.. definitely im losing alot of sleep.. but those time sleeping are well spent with u guys..

this year's xmas and new year were definitely very special.. no more normal orchard countdowns.. but pure gathering and chit chatting.. and talking bout anything.. and im happy to say that our group is expanding! haha.. with new girls! =x.. ok.. not many but a few.. so its still acceptable.. or else it will always be all the guys and the only female.. which is jac =x.. but the good thing is she doesnt mind have the company of soooooooo many guys.. i guess its just becos she can click with us..

but now with the addition of gio and perhaps yuan ching? the girls are definitely enjoying each other's company.. like wad ahtong's msn nick indicated.. we surely have walked a long way till now..

to end this post.. here's a toast to u guys.. LONG LIVE MY BROTHERS =)

p.s. to add on.. im going 22 this year.. god damn it.. im old =(

2008-12-20T01:03:00.002+08:00

ya ya.. i noe i havent been blogging regularly even though i have a com to use now.. but den again.. wadever it is.. there's quite a number of thing i wanna talk about..

anyway have been enjoying my weekends with the 4e1 peeps.. really enjoyed those sessions with them.. the sessions only make me feel happier whenever im feeling down.. thanks alot guys.. =)

in anyway.. im kinda like still stucked in many stuffs.. work.. financial.. wadever wadever.. ok fine.. but nth much i can do.. but just to grit my teeth and hope that the bad days will be over soon.. even though it has been with me for sooooooooo long.. but hopefully.. ya.. hopefully..

anyway went back to NP to watched Danzation '08.. it was good.. but not as good at 06's becos the 1st segment was collaboration with outside groups.. wasnt good.. so-so only.. but 2nd segment was almost perfect.. really.. with nice storylines.. great =)

anyway i noe i've been emo-ing for quite sometime.. but it just seems to get worse.. but just leave it.. cos even i dont understand myself anymore.. how do i expect ppl to understand me?

and to add on.. finally i see how fragile a man can be.. seeing melvin's plight.. well.. all i gotta say.. stop hurting him.. or else i'll turn nasty.. i swear.. for a man who's character has been so tough to become like wad he is now.. is totally WTF?! i had enough of all these rubbish.. i believed he really gave his all.. and bro.. u shouldnt have anymore regrets.. remember wad i said.. enough is enough.. stand up.. its time already.. rec and me is behind u.. remember that.. wadever i tell u is nothing but truth.. i also said.. if being the bad guy can make u stand up again.. i'll do it.. i dun care whether ppl say that imma bastard or wadever they wanna call me.. but as a matter of fact.. its not tough for u to stand up again.. when people dont appreciate wad u've done den so be it.. move on.. its difficult.. BUT.. even u urself noe that u are able to do it.. just that u are running away from it.. stop running away.. face it and get it over and done with.. u'll be even stronger den b4 =)

2008-11-10T07:41:00.001+08:00

would there be someone? somehow i felt so down again.. i just wanna cry it out.. but i cant.. and i wont.. i have no idea why.. i wonder would there be someone who's listening.. hai..

2008-11-06T23:26:00.003+08:00

i noe its been ages since i came home.. so the moment i came home.. suddenly.. i had alot to blog about..

well maybe not alot.. just a few particular things i guess.. well.. i didnt noe why did i had the courage to sms u anyway.. but still i did it.. haha.. weird ah? but anyway at least i got a reply isnt it? its been ages since we exchanged sms-es.. its kinda nostalgic.. but ironically.. its weird too..

im glad at least we are talking somehow again? haha.. hopefully u are happy now.. and i guess u should be.. =D

ok.. lets move on.. hmm.. nth much at work except for that plp guy who got confirmed 1st b4 edwin and me.. but fuck it.. haha.. cant be bothered.. im gonna serve the nation in 5-6 mths time.. so i dun care.. like wad edwin says.. 笑里藏刀。thats wad is everyone in the company about.. but the 2 of us just not gonna bother.. work till NS comes.. and i'll go.. hehe..

anyway.. today tiff starts her 1st driving lesson under Mr Lee.. and i guess she's kinda nervous.. but dun worry my dear sis.. u can do it! =D

oh.. weekend is approaching.. and im soooo gonna sleep.. tired to the max.. =(
i guess i'll just end here.. dont noe wad to add on also.. lol.. take care my frens =)

2008-10-26T23:27:00.002+08:00

i noe its been ages since i updated.. but den again.. there's nth much for me to update also.. so nvm.. haha.. but anyway.. hope everyone is doing well.. sorry for being mia for so long.. i think too many things are going on concurrently.. so heavy that i cant handle.. but nvm.. i guess its still the same.. a step at a time.. =)

ok.. signing up after this short update.. anyway best of wishes to all having o's.. and its to u too.. take care peeps =)

2008-09-25T23:19:00.003+08:00

i never loved this home anyway.. just go ahead if u wanna leave.. when i was younger.. it really hurts.. but now it doesnt.. cos im sick of the same old things u've given me.. the more u do this.. the more u are forcing me to hate life more..

for the 2 days where i've been sick.. i just wanna stay home and be alone.. but yet.. u nv gave me that.. instead.. u kept blaming me for every single thing.. please.. just leave me alone.. im sick and tired..

maybe one day.. it will be me leaving.. and not u.. but please.. just let me be what i wanna be.. cos nth is important to me anymore since that fateful day.. so let me go..

2008-09-18T00:26:00.002+08:00

well.. i noe i havent been updating la.. cos im like only at home for 2 days per week.. cos i've been staying at hougang since i started working.. cos its nearer to my workplace.. so its easier for me to get to work also.. but things havent been good.. been accused of things that i've never done.. well enough said.. thats life anyway..

i would like to thank a few peeps who've been helping me so much.. honestly.. i just wanna have a simple life.. but sometimes having a simple life isnt as easy as wad we think.. there are obstacles for us to overcome.. i just hope i can overcome them as soon as possible..

i dont wanna lie to myself again.. i dunno whether that will ever come true or not.. its really stressing me so much.. =/

2008-09-01T22:05:00.001+08:00

actually i had alot of things to talk about.. but in the end i dont really noe how am i supposed to let it out on my blog.. cos i find it real ridiculous.. nevermind.. dammit..

2008-08-31T21:55:00.001+08:00

been sick throughout the weekend.. damn sian.. and my mood is really damn bad too.. ARGH..

2008-08-25T22:58:00.002+08:00

well.. been really mia-ing for the past few days.. haha.. well.. been really busy anyway.. we'll start from last thursday alright?..

well thursday was boring.. didnt wanna go for interview.. cos was sick of the same reasons being given.. until i was given a call to have a trial on saturday for work.. as i've been walking around ubi/kaki bukit for the whole week.. i can literally close my eyes and walk the whole estate.. so dammit.. went to sis's office to look for her and bro in law.. rotted there.. till 5+ 6pm.. called beng and asked him wanna have supper tonight along with jac and of cos to ask his beloved jiahui along =x.. HAHA.. ok enough of jokes.. so yeap.. bro in law drove us home.. and we were having dinner and rotting till ard 10pm.. where i drove bro in law's car to pick jacjac up at her place.. den we went chomp chomp for SUPPER!.. haha.. anyway had a fun time there.. as the girls were like poking fun of beng.. whereas me.. i had to follow the flow la.. i dun wanna get shoot by the girls too.. so yeah.. poor u my bro.. HAHA.. =x after that sent jacjac home at her place.. and it was nice spending the night out with meaningful stuffs going around.. haha..

friday was at godmum's hse rotting.. so was rotting at hougang while waiting for sis and bro in law and bro to end their work.. i was playing with jervis the whole damn day.. he's really a handful though.. but still my precious baby.. haha.. he's cute la.. =p.. anyway.. was gonna go to the floating stage at marina to watch some fireworks festival set up by the french.. and well indeed.. it was cool.. real nice.. =)

and yes.. saturday.. started to work.. drove to pending road and to kembangan for my 1st 2 delivery stops.. was alright.. and went back to office at 1230pm.. raining heavily.. went into boss's office.. and tadah!.. im officially employed.. haha.. so my 1st full day will start on monday~

ok.. nth much to blog bout sunday.. so forget it.. haha..

and here i am blogging bout today.. started my 1st day of full shift work.. and yes.. i forgotten to mention bout John.. the mentor im attached to in the company.. nice and funny guy.. so today we both went out on road to settle west sides and north sides.. and damn.. its like most northern part of singapore and the most western part of singapore.. of cos.. went past places with memories like sun plaza, causeway points.. and even drive 72.. but nvm.. after that was west side.. mostly juront west areas.. along with TUAS.. YES!! tuas.. i was like SOOO near from msia duh? it was tiring but good day as i've learnt alot from John.. and its actually not a tough job at all.. its about planning and capability to handle stress.. =D

well.. i must say im really happy now.. found a not bad job.. and finally said wad i've been keeping to myself for the past month.. and yes.. i dun expect much.. happiness is the priority.. a big big thanks to beng.. u noe it best huh beng? haha..

i'll just stand by u from now on.. whenever u need me.. i'll be there for u.. trust me.. this is a promise =)

2008-08-19T23:30:00.001+08:00

super pissed.. argh.. ok i noe its wrong to get pissed on my bday.. but wadever it is.. dun understand wads wrong with employers..

there's a higher unemployment rate now.. but there are ppl who wanna look for jobs.. YET.. employers are damn fussy..

so far been to 5-6 interviews.. all gimme this reason.. "sorry.. ur qualification is too high for this job.." or "i cant employ u cos i dunno when u are going for NS.." im like omg? u need a worker.. and here am i willing to work.. even for 3-6 mths.. its still work.. at least in the meantime.. it helps u solve ur problems.. argh..

DARN ANGRY! =(

2008-08-17T03:18:00.001+08:00

first of all.. a big big thank you to all those who made their way down.. thanks alot.. and i really appreciate ur time.. im touched by ur actions.. and im a really happy man today.. once again a big big thank you..

it was tiring.. but nevertheless.. i had fun.. now i noe why u dun feel like eating when u have to entertain almost 70 guests.. haha.. ok now jason is kp-ing saying he wants to noe my primary sch fren.. LOL!.. =x

finally.. im 21.. hopefully everything will go smoothly from now on.. and i shall start to enjoy life more! =D

2008-08-16T10:28:00.002+08:00

thanks to u guys.. im really touched by wad u guys did for me.. and i enjoyed it.. i guess i never regretted knowing u 2 for 2 years and going.. thanks for that "gift" =)

well.. suddenly i felt a lil painful in my heart seeing wad is happening.. but i noe.. u are strong enough to handle all these.. =) even though things have not gone how we wanted to be.. but still.. i believe things will get better for u.. =)

on a lighter side.. it's my 21st bday celebration today!.. kinda looking forward for it.. and yes.. for the 1st time in 2 years.. im gonna celebrate without a partner with me.. so yeah.. will be kinda different but still.. with good frens like u guys around.. im more den contented..

well.. it's time to move on to a new phase of my life.. the working life.. while waiting for NS.. im actually looking for jobs.. went for an interview ytd.. i guess.. i did ok for the interview.. so now i'll just try to go for a few more to widen my options.. hehe.. =D

i guess.. god is fair SOMETIMES.. becos.. well obviously.. we noe that.. we'll never get wad we want.. but.. work hard for it.. it'll be there for u.. i've got plenty of aims that i wanna fufil b4 i go for my NS.. so yeap.. im gonna work hard for it..

love all of u guys who've been nth but pure inspiration to me.. =)

2008-08-14T17:10:00.001+08:00

Ok peeps. It's confirmed.

Date: 16th August 2008
Time: 7pm
Venue: Whampoa Drive Block 75 Resident Corner
Event: My 21st Bday Celebration

I'm sorry for the venue as i know it is kinda out of the way for some people, but i would definitely appreciate ur attendance. Please be there this Saturday. I'm looking forward to see EVERYONE of you. =)

2008-08-10T23:15:00.000+08:00

currently feeling damn tired.. damn.. and yet i've gotta face a 10-man panel tml for my final presentation.. kinda feeling the heat now.. just hopefully everything goes well.. =/

anyway to all frens.. nxt saturday.. i'll be celebrating my 21st bday.. venue and time will be posted in my blog.. and i will personally sms all of u guys.. =)

2008-08-09T10:44:00.000+08:00

i had only 1 world to describe thursday's feeling. disappointed.

well ytd from 12mn onwards.. and till now.. been feeling real vex.. no mood for anything.. just feel totally no mood.. emo or wadever u call it.. argh..

2008-07-30T00:18:00.001+08:00

im feeling really tired.. havent really felt happy for ages.. and it seems getting worst.. i wanna give up.. i dunno wad to do honestly.. someone please help me..

2008-07-24T22:02:00.002+08:00

its raining kinda heavy outside my window.. the sounds of raindrops hitting roofs.. i just feel very bored.. its like time passes by soooo slowly.. the remaining days are tortures.. my wish is very simple.. really simple.. i guess.. only 1 person noes wad i wished for.. haha..

does anyone has problems conversing with parents? seems like im having a big problem doing that.. but who cares.. sometimes thats how people grow up.. struggles and survival are important.. trying real hard to motivate myself to strive harder.. finish this last lap.. really trying real hard..

2008-07-21T18:14:00.002+08:00

i guess.. never let ur past dictate what u do in the future.. that's very important.. when it seems that u noe someone very well.. or someone knows u very well.. its actually not.. human can never understand one definitely.. there's always hidden facts always kept to urself..

2nd sis was telling me.. "别人可以做初一，你也可以做十五。“ ok fine.. it does makes sense.. but dont see the point.. im looking forward to end my sch life in 28 days.. and im looking forward to starting a new phase of my life soon.. =)

2008-07-18T00:08:00.001+08:00

yes.. its been ages since i blogged.. but right now im doing nothing but emo-ing.. hey shander.. thanks alot for comforting me.. but i think at the end of the day.. i hafta solve the problem myself.. screw it.. life sucks.. and i guess im still too naive..

2008-06-21T18:58:00.002+08:00

"new kids on the block suck alot of dicks.. boy and girl who makes me sick.."

been listening to this limp bizket old song.. kinda nice.. haha.. well actually.. im laughing away.. cos i think people are just funny.. but well.. haha..

reaction has been very slow for me.. my back hurts.. but its just temporary i guess.. dad is right.. i guess.. i should just heed his advice afterall.. lol..

ca2 is over.. and ca3 is ard 6 weeks' time.. dinath and me are now having splitting headaches on how to improve on the current project.. ca2 was bad.. basically the whole class is having problem doing ca2.. i guess we are just too slack? and mr low has been asking me to visit the school counsellor.. which i think i should.. cos its like i've been so distracted by so many things.. maybe a talk would help i guess..

mel's right too.. after fyp hafta start working and start saving.. or else i'll be always the poor bloke.. NS should be around the corner i guess.. i think it'll be this year.. end of the year.. but mel said it's good to be enlisted in december.. as there are many holidays.. so i think should be ok la..

been rotting the whole day at home.. doing fyp stuffs.. and crapping with isn peeps.. ok i guess i shall just end here.. cos been quiet recently.. nth much to blog about.. so yeah.. ^^

2008-06-19T19:10:00.003+08:00

anyway guys.. im back.. for those who noe wad happened.. yeap.. im fine now.. but anyway.. just find it really weird.. haha.. nvm.. just glad to be back.. cant rmb alot of things now.. but i guess its a gd sign isnt it? at least i can start doing alot of things again..

feeling tired and a little giddy.. but everything's fine.. =)

2008-06-09T23:56:00.002+08:00

yeah fuck.. i just screwed my fren up.. this post is only for ky.. no others..

anyway.. just to let you noe.. im sorry for wrongly accussing you.. yeah i noe i shouldnt have called mel.. but i was in a foul mood.. so yeah.. i noe u hate being accused for nth.. and yet.. becos of my bad mood.. i did that.. i should have just taken ur NO as an answer.. but anger got the better of me.. sorry bro..

i noe when u are angry.. u dun listen to anything.. u are just urself when u are in a bad mood.. but still i gotta tell you a big big sorry.. i treasure our frenship and brotherhood.. i noe to u.. wadever i say now is shit.. but still.. hope you'll somehow accept my apology..

we came from so many obstacles to stay as a team and a bunch of good frens.. never would i wanna to lose someone who's been giving me good advices throughout the time we spent.. just to let u noe.. i treasure u as much as anyone else in the damn group..

once again.. sorry my dear fren..

2008-06-08T02:28:00.002+08:00

hmm.. i would basically say today is a mixed feelings day.. met up with isn peeps at the afternoon to have our lunch and slacking session.. so we went to cine.. i was late cos i helped rec to buy his EURO2008 bets.. so yeah.. met up at cine after ky went to collect his fone at wisma.. after thinking for quite some time.. decided to eat suki sushi.. haha.. yeap..

well we were like queueing for damn long.. and suddenly mel saw regina.. so yeah.. turned over and said hi to her.. been ages since i met her also.. she was wearing the dress that we went out to town the last.. also at cine.. lol.. how coincident.. her smile is as usual la.. to me at least.. haha.. anyway.. ate really alot.. been ages since i ate so much.. maybe rec's right.. it really depends on ur mood.. well.. all of us eat till like cant even stand up straight la.. haha.. but it was a nice meet up.. enjoyed my day.. =D

after that went idle's hse for mj with mel, idle and idle's mum.. quite fun la.. idle's mum is really nice.. =D.. hehe.. so from 9pm to 1215am was mj all the way.. after mj.. cabbed down to changi airport t3 to meet up with my dad to fetch my mum home.. yeah.. she's back from china.. lol.. well had kinda heated argument with my dad.. but well.. as usual.. just spoils my day ba.. thats why i said.. had alot of mixed feelings today.. wadever it is.. just hope i can like live peacefully la..

and now.. im home.. rotting.. not in the mood for shits.. but wadever it is.. dammit.. like i said.. its all about me and myself.. wadever is being said.. dun think its gonna take effect on me.. fuck it.. haha.. enjoy ur weekend peeps.. =)

2008-06-06T21:19:00.003+08:00

kinda in love with Buckcherry - Sorry.. listened the song thru jac's blog.. and ended up loving the song.. haha.. its friday night.. ppl's partying.. and yet im home rotting.. wad a boring friday..

anyway.. i feel that there's SOOOO many hypocrites around in IRC.. isN aside.. u guys are always acting hypocrites.. so i'll pass them.. bfls!.. wahaha.. ky's gonna say buttfucklovers.. wadever it is.. u guys rock la.. =D well saying bout hypocrites.. i cant imagine ppl trying to push blames NOW.. after wad happened.. haha.. im laughing my ass off.. oh ya.. to let those IRC peeps who noes me.. I'VE GOT SELF ESTEEM ONE OK? LOL!.. im just a lazy bum who's not willing to work for my future ah.. if that's the answer u all wanna hear.. ok lo.. i'll grant ur tiny WISH!.. hehe.. never did i noe.. ppl can change story sooooo much.. and change sides sooooo fast.. please guys.. u guys are still far away from commenting wad kinda guy i am.. do u all really noe me? just based on ur shit facts u think of me.. u think u can just judge me like how u want to? i tell u 2 words.. "fuck off"..

dont teach me and dont tell me wad to do.. i went thru more den u guys went thru.. stop pointing ur fingers saying.. OH NO I DIDNT SAY THIS!! OH NO I DIDNT SAY THAT!! stop being a hypocrite.. u guys are making me DETEST u all more.. =)

edited..

well.. currently feeling really very very very down.. or should i just say.. disappointed.. just when i thought things got better.. suddenly so many things are happening YET again.. i dunno whether to laugh or cry.. dunno whether to feel upset or pissed off.. all i can say is.. i accept this fate..

2008-06-06T00:28:00.002+08:00

well.. i didnt go to school today.. still not feeling well.. damn.. dunno wtf's wrong with my body.. zz.. wadever it is la.. heck it.. i HAFTA go sch tml to complete my programming.. fuckedup.. zz

anyway.. sometimes.. i just think.. no point for me to bother about what ppl actually are gonna say.. at the end of the day.. i noe wad i want.. and now i already noe wad i want.. was talking to regina today.. she's there asking me whether im to change my layout anot.. i was like telling her.. no need la.. change for wad.. even if frens.. cant put picture meh? =p haha.. ok la.. honestly speaking.. its been ages since i've seen her so happy.. so thats good for her.. =D dun worry peeps.. im just speaking from a point of view as a fren.. so yeah.. no harm or no emoness intended.. =D

today whole day at home.. was rotting like hell.. but yeah.. still managed to pass my whole damn day lydat.. screwed my dad up today.. lol.. he was calling and asking me wads my exams results.. i told him.. 80+.. and he's like giving me that wtf look.. just hope that he doesnt put my aeroplane.. really hates it when he doesnt do wad he promised.. so just hope la hor.. lol..

FYP + EID = DEATH OF ME.. just hoping that i can pull through the remaining 3 mths.. or else im gonna die.. i dun wanna go back to NP after my NS definitely.. i definitely got plenty of better things to do lo.. tmd..

slowly but surely.. things are getting better as each day passes by.. i definitely dun feel pressured as much except for sch work la.. -.- the route is never easy but den.. like i said.. 1 sentence changed my life.. and definitely it changed my life for the better.. damn that shuling.. keep saying im one lao ah pek.. tmd.. YES i noe im OLD.. but not that old can.. -.-

everyday is gonna be a fine day for now at least.. plenty of things to look forward too.. oh ya true enough.. i kinda missed the turtur at regina's hse.. LOL.. and of cos.. it's been ages since i've seen my PSP.. but alright la.. believes regina has taken gd care of them.. ok i guess shall end here.. gonna go to bed.. feeling tired le.. nights =)

2008-06-04T14:13:00.005+08:00

currently in class ALONE.. omg.. thats how bored i am now.. doing nth.. so ended up i decided to blog.. haha..

sometimes i feel.. i have hypocrites living in my life for most of the times.. i have no idea why either.. lol.. i just feel sooooooo trapped by hypocrites.. lol! 1 gd example is recently.. i have seen alot of ppl viewing my friendster profile.. and some of them are hypocrites who've been backstabbing me all these while.. so can u all kindly tell me wads the motive of u guys viewing my profile? trying to see whether im dead anot? haha.. sad to tell u guys.. im alive and kicking.. or u guys are trying to say something else to show that im actually some kinda bastard? so that u all can spread wonderful stories around again? sad to tell u guys again.. i dun have any juicy stories for u guys to produce.. hahaha.. try harder.. maybe u guys will find more.. lol..

guang msged me in msn just now.. asking for meet up tonight.. he still has yet to cfm the time and place.. so now can only wait and rot in my class.. damn envy my frens and cousin who graduated.. they are either working or slacking at home.. how i wish i can be like them.. i still gotta endure for ard 3 more mths.. ahh dammit.. but i dun think i'll get to rest also after i graduate la.. i intend to work and save some money up for myself.. or else i'll die becos NS pay is sooooo meagre.. lol.. and of cos.. im TOTALLY broke now.. damn sad.. =/

ok la.. shall end here 1st.. if tonight got any happening things den continue to blog about them.. lol.. =D

ok back from meeting 4e1 peeps.. had dinner at chomp chomp.. but feel rather lethargic.. has been feeling like that for ages.. dunno since when it started.. bahh.. wadever it is.. it was nice seeing the rest of them after so long.. had fun chatting and of cos.. shooting shaun.. LOL.. u ARE a LOUSY LIAR.. damn disappointed in u.. lol =x.. yes.. nxt week gonna meet up again.. cos ms is going NS soon.. my poor bro.. lol.. ok shall end here.. feeling damn tired.. bth..

2008-06-03T12:44:00.002+08:00

ok im blogging from school now.. well felt alot better after few days of emoing.. ah.. well thats life la.. haha.. like wad ky told me.. im a stupid fuck.. which i agree 101%.. lol.. honestly.. i feel lucky.. i have brothers who care.. i have my dear sweetest cousin whom been talking to me about so much things jus to cheer me up.. thanks huiyi =)..

ytd nite slept at 2+.. couldnt sleep.. even after i took my med.. ppl take med = slp.. i take med = WIDE AWAKE.. its like so wtf? zz.. den end up huiyi was like there talking to me bout SOOOOOOO much.. and ended up.. we were pointing _|_ to each other.. haha.. well.. its kinda weird talking to her so much.. but still.. 2 of us have grown up tgt since the day we were borned.. so yeah.. i <3 huiyi, huishan, wenjie and wenting.. they are the best younger cousins i ever have.. especially wenjie.. since young.. u've always been that really kid that pisses me off so much.. its nice to see u grow up now.. and finally learn to be urself.. but stop ur laziness.. its making me angry again.. -.- time to be more independent and work hard.. stop lazing around.. =)

as i was chatting with huiyi.. we actually talked bout alot of things.. basically EVERYTHING.. from young till now.. and to our future.. my dear mei.. dun worry.. wad i told u ytd.. is wad i planned.. so dun worry that im not gonna start planning.. when i actually i already had.. so dun worry ok? =) as for u and ur bf.. im happy that u found someone thats right for u.. hehe.. of cos la.. i dun mean it when i ask u dun bully him.. becos from wad i noe from u.. he's 1 wooden block also.. hahahaha.. =x no offence.. =p jus be happy.. and u are going university soon.. work hard.. i rmb wad u always tell all of us when u grow up.. u wanna near loads of $$ to show others that u CAN do it.. and i believe u can.. cos amongst us.. u've been the most hardworking one i've ever seen.. ya true enuff.. im the cleverest one.. but den.. being clever can bring u no where.. only true sheer hard work.. u'll get somewhere.. u are that someone who'll go far.. =)

and of cos.. congrats to shander who passed her TP after such a long wait.. lol.. well done girl.. wahahahaha.. need p-plate? =x ok she's gonna kill me.. lol.. but anyway.. its always nice talking to u.. always let me noe the juiciest and funniest stories ever.. love them man.. hahaha..

its true its kinda hard to get used to the life im having now.. but im trying.. i noe even my mum's worried.. even if huiyi didnt tell me.. i also noe.. and to my dear aunts.. dun worry.. im still that lil newphew that u guys seen me grown up.. u all noe wad im good at.. and wad im capable of.. i'll be just fine.. u all noe im gd at recovering from setbacks isnt it? although yeah.. this time its abit different from the past.. but still.. give me sometime.. i dun wanna let u all talk to me like im still a kid.. so dun worry.. =)

shoutouts to EVERYONE.. i love all of u guys.. u guys have given nth but pure support for me..

"dont cry becos it's over.. smile becos it happened.." =)

2008-06-02T15:02:00.003+08:00

its been 4 days since i went home.. i oso dunno why.. havent recovered from my sickness too.. but did my paper today.. i thought i did quite well.. haha..

well with regards on my previous post.. yeah.. its all true.. and also.. i tried letting everything go.. i really tried.. but i cant.. but well.. its good that u moved on.. jus sad to say that i cant.. i tried to be happy.. but i cant do it..

yes everyone is saying.. let go and let time heals everything.. or even saying.. jus be happy.. things will be fine.. i understand all of these.. but its easier said den done isnt it? if one day.. a same situation falls on anyone of u.. u would be just like me.. or maybe not so bad.. becos being softhearted and indecisive has been my weakest point in a relationship.. i just cant do it..

im just satisfied living in wilderness now.. wadever comes it comes.. wadever doesnt.. it doesnt.. im just happy to be busy 24/7 now.. even if im sick.. i would rather find something to do den rest.. i dun wanna be idling.. just now.. on the bus.. i saw my neighbour.. she asked me.. its been ages since u brought ur gf back isnt it? i didnt noe how to reply.. i just told her.. we are no longer together.. i couldnt muster any more strength to say anything.. i was trying to hold back my sadness.. i didnt want my neighbour whom have seen me grown up as a kid to console me like im a lil boy..

i noe i've grown up.. i have learn to accept things.. but i guess some things are just too much for me to take.. i've decided.. to go for the op during my 1 week proposal break.. well.. i dunno wad else to say.. but if it goes badly.. means i'll forget everything.. u are the last one that i wanna forget.. but lets leave everything to fate..

bryan.. if u dont cheer urself up.. no one ever will.. can u do it?

我只想好好的跟你说声谢谢。等待不一定会有结果，不过至少我曾尝试过。只要你过得比我幸福，我会从远方看着你的微笑。那我就满足了。

2008-06-01T01:52:00.004+08:00

its almost 2am in the morning.. i noe im supposed to sleep.. cos im sick.. but i jus cant get to sleep..

this is the most dreaded day i can really imagine since everything happened.. 20 over days ago.. why would i say that? today at 1st june 2008.. it was supposed to be our 25th mth being together.. how i wish it is today.. i have alot of things to let u noe and to tell u.. but i noe its over..

i tried to sleep just now.. i noe i wouldnt be able to sleep.. i even tried to tire myself out earlier on at jason's housewarming.. but my eyes are still wide open at this point of time.. i actually didnt even wanna be online.. but i still did.. i feel like saying everything out.. it feels miserable keeping everything inside me.. hiding it from everyone.. pretending to be happy to everyone.. its tiring.. i swear..

25 months ago.. during 1st may 2006.. at 9.14am.. yes.. i always told u i couldnt rmb the time.. but actually i did.. i asked u whether u would be willing to be another part of my life.. if i were to choose again.. i would have no hesitation to ask u the same thing over again.. i never regretted that decision.. u brought tears.. joy.. and happiness to my life.. without u.. life isnt the same anymore.. u have cemeted a place in my heart.. its a place where no one will ever replace..

now seeing that u are happy.. im happy for u.. it doesnt really matters on wad is gonna happen to me in the future.. wads most important is wad is going to happen to u in the future.. i want u to be happy.. 不在乎天长地久，只在乎曾经拥有。this sentence is very true.. really true..

just rmb.. no matter what.. im willing to be that cushion for u to fall on.. im willing to take all the sufferings from u jus to make sure u are fine.. im willing to do that.. yes i do..

yes i noe its kinda dramatic.. but yeah.. everyone else is sleeping.. im sobbing while looking at our memories.. i've tried to move on.. i tried.. but i just couldnt.. simply beocs i can no longer find a meaning to move on.. please.. rmb me.. and i want u to be happy..

once again.. just wanna tell u.. baby i do love you more den anything else..

yours truly.. bryan..

2008-05-30T10:26:00.003+08:00

yes yes.. finally im really unable to go to school anymore.. high fever, flu, sore throat, bodyaches.. thats the max i can take.. no more.. and finally im gonna go see a doctor.. haha..

well.. i thought i was able to shake the illness off.. but i was wrong.. i was unable too.. dad was nagging the hell out of me.. becos my exams is on MONDAY.. yes MONDAY.. lol.. aiya.. should be ok lar.. the fever is kinda killing me.. damn xinku.. but den lan lan.. wad to do?

had a weird dream ytd night.. when i woke up just now.. i felt so nostalgic.. lol.. as usual la huh.. so its ok.. cos anyway.. dreams never come true.. hmm.. nope.. dreams do come true.. the bad ones will always come true.. not the good ones.. this is tested and PROVEN.. i can swear bout that.. lol.. well gonna go to the doctor now.. cya guys.. =)

2008-05-28T23:48:00.003+08:00

its 11.47pm.. and yet i havent gone to bed.. yeah.. i noe im sick.. but i just cant get myself to bed.. i dunno whats wrong.. i feel a really heavy burden on me.. no idea why.. just out of no where.. i feel very lethargic.. huiyi was like telling me.. mentally im already tired.. why wanna make myself physically tired also? my dear mei.. we grew up together.. u should noe me very very well.. i dont want to.. but i have no choice..

i just wish.. time would go by really fast.. but i oso hope.. time will stop for me.. contradicting ya? lol..

燃烧，想象不到痛还在燃烧。以为火早已扑灭了，怎么一见你，心又被后悔灼伤疗。
燃烧，泪是爱情的火药。请不要，这样看我，我知道我已逃不掉。

2008-05-28T10:58:00.003+08:00

and yes.. im sch in now.. ytd only had sore throat.. today package come already.. thats so wtf.. it really seems that im damn stresesd up now.. arghh... cant take it anymore..

for the past 2 years.. whenever im sick.. there's still someone there for me.. at least i can find myself a comfort zone.. but now.. there's no one.. so gotta really bite my lips hard to endure.. thats the constrast so far.. but being sick is wad i hate most.. its killing me.. omg..

even without thinking of any other problems i have.. my sch work alone is really taking its toll.. i really dun understand.. really dont.. i wonder.. why does everything in this world has to be involved with money.. i hafta agree.. without money u cant do nuts bout anything.. haha..

the package im having could be becos of my own illness.. im not sure.. i just hope the condition dont get worst.. God, please give me a chance.. i wanna hold on.. im hanging on now.. i must understand that there's no one i can rely on now.. except myself.. so i hafta be really strong.. no one's gonna help me if im not gonna help myself..

i also understands that nothing in this world is free.. i only noe u hafta work hard for it.. i understand everything.. but there's always one thing stopping me.. that's courage.. i have no courage.. yes.. no courage in anything im doing now.. im doubting my abilities.. and i really dunno what i want.. that is how bad things are now..

thats why im saying.. will daylight ever appear again? im hoping that daylight will come again.. as my life is filled with darkness now.. i dont wanna be drowned by the darkness.. i wanna prevail.. give me the strength i need.. please..

yeah.. im still in sch.. adding on to what i've blogged earlier.. well.. really feeling damn sian.. cos i've got no cash with me.. im sick and starving.. argh.. its really torturing.. it could be really a test of endurance for me.. haha.. feel damn stoned now.. hais..

2008-05-27T22:08:00.002+08:00

damn.. im sick again.. zz.. as usual.. sore throat comes 1st.. i hope best is this time no package.. or else i'll be sian to the max.. hais..

kinda moody today.. dunno why also.. i think im mad la.. but nvm.. lol.. doesnt really matter..

do cheer up ok? i told u already.. as long as you are happy.. im fine with anything.. dont let anything affect ur mood.. be happy =)

argh.. no strength for nuts.. please dont let me fall sick =/

2008-05-27T00:32:00.003+08:00

ok jus came home from my sports session with the isn peeps.. ya kinda fucked up.. went to BOON LAY to play soccer + bball.. tmd.. all stay west side.. so im the poor soul alone as qz is sick.. damn.. but nvm.. had great fun.. and its true that KY SUCKED IN SPORTS.. hahaha... =x

yeah.. jus had my med.. it seems like there's no improvements at my current condition.. so actually has no idea la.. wadever it is.. its ok.. haha..

jus wanna let those shits out there noe.. dont try to make things worst between me and her.. ok? dont bother trying to tell either me or her things i've never said.. u wanna spoil the frenship.. wad advantage does it have for u? for goodness sake.. everything is done and dusted.. so jus fuck off ok? enough of all the nonsense that everyone is giving..

well tml's gonna be a long day man.. my frequent headaches are coming back recently.. the medicines arent working.. dammit.. ok signing off.. nights =)

2008-05-25T15:31:00.003+08:00

well.. supposedly i was supposed to have my test drive ytd.. but den last min it got cancelled.. so was thinking of meeting mel la.. wanted to go town with him.. YES just 2 GUYS.. its gay i noe.. but well.. HAHA.. we met up at aljunied MRT station instead.. cos he wanna go a so called temple at geylang lorong 16 ba.. so i just followed.. since im a buddhist also..

well.. we both so called went for this fortune telling thing.. i dont noe how to word it in english.. if u guys wanna noe can actually ask me in msn.. i'll explain in chinese.. haha..

so the 1st thing the master told me this when he saw me..
"you're someone who puts frens above anything.. i would rather die den let ppl die.. and u treasures brotherhood more den anything.. if ppl were to misunderstand u.. no matter wad i'll do all things to make sure its resolved.. but thats also the weakest point.. i mus change.."
after this sentence.. i was shocked.. its nth but 101% truth.. well.. thats the 1st time the master saw me.. so im really amazed.. he jus asked for the day i was borned.. and bingo.. he got everything spot on.. well he also touched on my love life.. and family stuffs.. and touching on everything that has happened recently.. all i can say that.. its very true.. he even went on saying.. sometimes i jus wanna run away from everything.. and i dont even noe myself well.. i agree too.. sometimes.. i jus hope i would go into a corner and jus hide myself.. and i really dunno what i wanna do in life anymore.. and i dunno wad to do anymore.. his words made me think alot.. melvin was laughing.. becos things that i've been denying to him subconciously.. has been blurted out by the master.. so lan lan.. hafta let him suan.. hahah.. but mel.. thanks alot for bringing me there.. really felt alot better..

becos i think.. its really important to really measure ur life.. at this very moment.. my life is still stucked at this point.. i MUST find a way to move out.. but i dont noe how.. i just guess.. take a step at a time ba.. as long as everyone around me is happy.. im happy too.. thats the ultimate thing i hope that will happen.. =)

2008-05-23T14:05:00.003+08:00

omg.. i cant imagine im feeling totally bored today.. it seems like i have nth to do.. zzz.. now gonna prepare for presentation.. and marcus and my work is like so slipshod today.. damn.. have no idea wads wrong with me today.. ARGH.. well will blog later.. wad an emo day.. -.-'

ok now to add on to wad i blogged in sch this afternoon.. dunno la.. i still feel lydat.. this seems like the worst ever friday in my life.. never felt so no life b4.. nth for me to do.. dun feel like moving.. argh.. jus fucked up ok? home alone.. how i wish there's something for me to do.. suddenly i see myself feeling so free.. life is boring.. i hafta agree.. its not that im unhappy la.. i oso dunno wad im emoing about.. and i also dunno why am i lydat.. fuck it..

2008-05-21T15:51:00.002+08:00

u were always saying u were doing all these for me.. yet now u say im the bastard who spills everything out? omfg.. i cant believe it.. for someone whom i trusted dun even have that single bit of trust in me.. fine.. go ahead and think what u wanna think.. i cant be bothered.. i maintain my stance.. I HAVENT SAID ANYTHING THAT WASNT MEANT TO BE SAID OUT TO ANYONE.. believe it or not.. up to u..

im sick of all these shits.. things i never do.. i get the fucking blame.. things i never even mentioned.. i get mentioned.. things i never even thought off.. i got the tag of "bastard"..

i deserve respect.. yes i agree.. u've been fucking nice to me.. i admit.. u were the one trying to spur me on.. and i have my ways of living.. thats NEVER to betray a fren.. u can go ahead and think i betrayed u.. its alright.. i noe myself i havent mumbled a SINGLE shit out..

2008-05-19T23:31:00.002+08:00

i've got sch tml.. yet im unable to sleep.. omg.. i noe.. i've been looking ok to all of u guys la.. being me myself as the past.. and even smiled more den b4.. but honestly.. its still that something sorely missing.. but well.. nth could be done isnt it? jus a boring boring boring night alone.. i guess this month.. my fone bills would be nth but cheap.. and i mean really cheap.. haha.. lame me.. ya ya ya.. u guys are gonna tell me the same old thing again.. i noe wad u guys mean la.. but i noe exactly how my heart feels.. its never the same feeling u noe? once its there.. its there.. i swear.. no matter how hard i try or how many million ppl im gonna meet or date.. its there.. irreplaceble.. i guess.. well.. i shall end here.. falling sick again.. and yeah.. i havent made my decision on the op thing.. so i shall jus screw it.. lol.. bye peeps.. =)

2008-05-17T01:05:00.000+08:00

dammit.. have been having the same dreams for the past 2 nights.. i dunno why.. but i guess it never ends isnt it? well.. i guess thats life.. met up with tiff today.. its been ages since i met up with her.. well kinda like she's also having the same problems as me la.. but im jus surprised that how well she took it.. but well.. everyone has different characteristics isnt it? haha..

dreams dreams dreams.. its never true.. i believe.. haha..

2008-05-15T09:26:00.002+08:00

all i can say is.. wads done can never be undone.. i noe in urs eyes.. im not trustable anymore.. its ok.. i have no reasons for lying.. whoever decides im fuckedup.. its ok.. whoever decides i should be the one being sad.. its also ok.. doesnt really matter to me anymore..

i wish you all the best..

2008-05-13T23:58:00.005+08:00

its totally getting fucked in the ass without even knowing anything until today.. yes im not gentlemanly.. and yes.. i purposely got closed gf infront of everyone.. u all can say wadever u all want now.. its alright.. never in my mind.. i even thought of doing that.. im honest.. a friend indeed ya? haha.. wad a joke..

now we have ppl saying that they dun like this guy.. but somehow encourage someone else to woo someone else's girlfriend.. omg.. wad a joke.. yes i may not be perfect.. i noe.. but at least i never used underhand methods to love someone.. i loved my gf truely and openly..

i noe wadever i say now isnt gonna make any difference.. but im jus shocked.. im really shocked.. totally got backstabbed.. haha.. i think now we've this ending.. everyone must be really happy now.. u all got wad u all wanted..

at the end of the day.. im the one who was victimized and being backstabbed.. im not saying im not at fault.. i admit.. yes.. i havent been doing a great deal of a job as a boyfriend.. i noe that.. but if people dont like it.. tell me.. i can change.. dont need to do all those small actions behind my back.. if i havent found out all these.. go ahead and say that i've been flirting.. its alright.. i still thought most of u are good frens.. so now i really noe who are the ones who stabbed me..

i always believed in retributions.. u guys will get them.. being a sacrificial lamb isnt a big thing.. but being a sacrificial lamb and still thought those who were nice are actually stabbing me.. well done..

yeah.. mandy and mel.. or even jai is right.. no one is trustable.. not even frens.. now i finally noe the meaning..

2008-05-13T15:35:00.003+08:00

i guess many people have been asking me the same questions.. well true enough.. its over.. but it isnt the end of the world isnt it? for people who've been very worried about me.. thanks alot for all the concerns.. i really appreciate them.. =) and please please guys.. wadever happened.. has nothing to do with any other parties except me.. so stop asking or question me why why why.. its not gonna help.. cos i noe that its me who havent done enough.. yeap.. =)

im happy for her.. really.. im jus happy that i can still keep contacting her.. thats the best thing i can ever asked for.. not many couples can end up being frens after breaking up.. i still can.. so honestly.. im happy.. i've got plenty of things to work on.. yes plenty of things.. for the 2 years.. so ya.. dont worry guys.. i'll be strong =)

and yes.. from now on.. i'll be like actually trying to maintain myself in a good health condition.. starting from yesterday.. i've been actually starting jogging and i've been changing my diet.. i guess that will make me healthier and live longer isnt it? =D all these is done becos there's plenty of things that i wanna fufil.. so guys.. believe me =)

i noe miracles do happen.. but miracles only happen when people are working hard.. from now on.. only i need to noe wads my feelings for her.. thats enough.. no point trying hard to convey the msg to others out there.. i dun want anymore misunderstandings.. i just want everyone to be happy.. even if im not.. its ok.. as long as her and others are happy.. ^^

last but not least.. thanks for everything that u've given.. not perfect.. but enough to make me feel that u've always been so important.. i'll always pray that u'll be happy.. =) and to those who cared.. i love all of u guys.. my mates especially.. u guys have been nth but the pillar of my support.. thanks for standing by me and lending me ur listening ears.. shoutout to mel, rec, jason, ky, qz, kaya.. thanks.. love you guys.. =)

2008-05-09T00:26:00.001+08:00

all i can say is.. rmb our pact.. ok? and believe me.. im no longer the same.. i've changed for the better.. and no matter what.. i'll be there.. and i'll wait.. =)

2008-05-08T13:29:00.000+08:00

all i want now is strength.. for it may be the last time i would be in this world.. i will wait.. and if im gone.. i'll be there.. on top jus to look over u.. becos i love you..

2008-05-07T19:30:00.002+08:00

i hope this is not the end.. im sorry for everything.. i jus hope u would let me do everything again.. jus like 2 years ago.. in the morning.. when we got together..

i love you.

2008-05-07T05:16:00.002+08:00

its 5.16am in the morning.. i believe she's still slping.. most prolly waking up at ard 630am ba.. im still not on bed yet.. my eyes are swollen already.. but doesnt really matters anymore.. i really wanna be by ur side forever.. i guess.. i never had the luxury of explaining everything isnt it? if karma really exist.. give everything to me.. i shall shoulder everything thats not right.. i love you..

2008-05-06T17:45:00.001+08:00

if i had to choose again.. i would have no qualms doing the same thing all over again.. during 1st may 2006.. we got together.. if time could go back.. i would ask the same question again.. i still remember the question i asked.. it was "are you willing to be my other half?" its super nostalgic.. i miss them.. yes many things changed.. but 1 thing didnt.. thats my love for u..

2008-05-05T23:02:00.003+08:00

recently i felt really weird.. as people always says.. good times never last.. well its quite true..

its like maybe cos of exams.. and so many other things that have happened.. i feel that.. im no longer ur emphasis.. i feel kinda neglected.. i feel lonely.. im not complaining to u.. worrying that it will jus stress u up even more..

i feel that im so minute now.. i dunno why.. im not being sensitive.. but the feeling is really really really very uncomfortable.. no becos of wad happened.. but becos of this few days.. honestly.. i have no idea of wad im actually saying.. but den again.. luckily there's a blog for me to rant at.. i chose not to believe what ppl have been telling me.. cos i believe everyone deserve a 2nd chance.. u promised me.. and i'll trust u again..

are things that bad? if 1 day.. u choose to leave.. i would have no qualms letting you go.. i've said b4.. if 1 day u found out that im actually the one for u.. i will only open my arms wide and hug u like never b4..

suddenly.. im really missing you.. i still love you loads.. thats an honest answer.. i dont even noe wads exactly wrong with me now.. maybe its time for me to lock my blog and time for me to actually read wad i've posted.. it makes me really reflect..

i agree.. wads done canot be undone.. i jus hope unhappy things will jus go away.. i wish we can go back to where we once used to be.. im sorry if i havent been spending as much as time u want from me.. im trying.. really..

2008-05-05T11:05:00.002+08:00

suddenly.. i feel so empty.. i no longer noe wad i want and wad is needed in me.. im really feeling the coldness inside me.. i jus hope that day wouldnt happen.. and that is not becoming cold hearted again.. i believe that would be the worst day ever in my life.. every moment now.. i feel pain inside me.. i can feel that my heart is crying.. dont ask me why.. no one need to noe why also.. i think im falling back to where i used to belong..

2008-05-01T23:50:00.001+08:00

b4 the clock strikes 12.. i would like to let my baby noe that.. thanks for the 2 years that we've been together.. and yes.. plenty of things had happened.. especially recently.. u noe wad i've told u.. and i jus wish u would believe me by giving me time to stand up again.. and i believe we can do it together.. happy 2nd year baby.. love you loads.. =)

2008-04-30T00:47:00.000+08:00

i dunno why recently i've been so active blogging.. kinda tired of alot of things.. but one thing's for sure.. i'll never get tired of you.. i dunno why.. it seems that so many thing had happened.. i jus hope nth will affect us.. cos i love you..

2008-04-28T22:25:00.004+08:00

i dunno wad has gotten into my head.. i noe u are trying.. but it seems like i've been the one giving unwanted pressure.. yes i did say that i lost all my trust in you.. but it seems like.. while u are trying wadever u can to gain back my trust.. it seems that subconsiously.. im not trusting wad u are telling me..

i seriously hate myself now.. i've lost my way in everything.. my family.. my dearest.. my frens.. my wadever.. i lost it.. i hate everything.. i hate the way i do things.. i hate the way im facing problems..

how i wish the clock would jus stop at the time where im a baby.. where i dunno anything bout my surroundings.. jus laugh.. cry and do wadever i want.. im starting to forget myself.. the past are coming back to haunt me.. i jus hope that u are happy.. with or without me.. i noe wadever i said that day was very harsh.. its true.. i meant everything i said.. but inside me.. im really soft.. i couldnt bear to let u go either..

im starting to feel that everything's not right for me.. its like im losing faith and trust in everything i do.. i no longer trust myself.. its as if im getting so sensitive over everything.. i jus cant trust myself anymore.. im jus being so selfish.. i no longer can be wad i used to be.. everyday i had the same nightmare.. its giving me tonnes of unwanted pressure.. i dont wanna think that way.. but it jus seems like its like a scare.. i cant seem to stop dreaming bout that.. can someone jus kill me? =(

2008-04-25T23:22:00.002+08:00

AHAHAHAAHA! finally i have something to blog on~.. weeeee~.. well normally when blogs are places where u show ur feelings.. for example happy feelings.. sad feelings.. but wadever la.. thats not my point today.. i just couldnt believe it.. im like an idiot.. lol..

this is the 2nd time where something like that has happened to me.. this is how it goes.. someone who's treating u as a gd fren.. and in turn i treated him as a fren too.. but behind my back.. he's trying to woo my gf.. and saying mushy stuffs inside his blog.. saying that he loves her.. ok fine.. jus take that im the unlucky one.. wan tio 4D oso dun have so easy ah.. this kind of things i always so "lucky".. nvm la.. thats life..

so after reading the 2nd paragraph.. i guess people who've read my blog have already gotten their own comments already.. feel free to tag up.. its alright.. honestly.. i dunno what more can i say? inside that damn channel.. basically ALL chatters noe about this thing.. and good grieve.. im the last one to noe.. and that made me felt like an idiot.. i thought rumours from 1 person might not be true.. den i chose NOT to believe it.. suddenly today.. i have 3-4 people telling me the same thing.. and the best thing is.. they arent close to each other.. so i dun think they'll make the effort to screw me up once again..

yes i noe.. people will start asking who told u this who told u that.. nope.. they didnt tell me anything.. is i guessed it ALL by myself.. finally im smart in a way.. =) so its ok.. at the end of the day.. i couldnt be bothered.. i saw wad was written inside THAT blog.. i was simply amazed..

and basically.. thats all i can say.. i guess im a lil dumbfounded.. i guess.. no one is trustable to me ANYMORE.. =)

2008-01-14T01:25:00.001+08:00

dunno wads wrong with my body.. seen a doc.. but doesnt seems to recover.. my whole body has no strength when i wake up.. and i feel very tired.. even though im having enough rests.. really have no idea wads wrong.. =/

2007-12-21T18:58:00.001+08:00

baby im sorry. thats all.

i dont noe wad to add and wad to talk about. i jus feel that i kinda hate myself thats all.

2007-12-04T01:41:00.001+08:00

can someone ever teach me how to maintain a relationship? i just hope things will really last. loving someone never seems so difficult until now. wadever u express out. it's definitely gonna have some impact someway or another. im definitely losing sleep over it now. i love you but am i the one for you? would you ever be better off being without me? or will i be the one that's gonna be spending the rest of ur life with. i hope for the latter. i love you.

2007-11-13T22:55:00.000+08:00

i no longer wanna cause you any unhappiness. i no longer wanna live in the shadows. being very luckless is not what i want. what i want now is luck and happiness. bless me.

2007-11-12T22:33:00.001+08:00

people got $$ happy.. i no $$ not happy.. i think even if i have $$ i oso not happy.. ironic? damn.. wadever it is.. i seems like to be the darkest period of my life now.. doesnt really matter to me anyway.. it seems like wadever i do.. im always not doing it correctly.. be it to anyone.. bahh.. jus being here to rant my displeasure.. i kinda pity my blog sometimes.. always let me do all these craps.. so just wanna tell my blog.. a big thankew..

2007-11-04T21:43:00.001+08:00

1stly.. i would like to say thanks to all who made it down to DTE. really a big thanks.. especially those 4e1 guys.. and isN peeps.. thanks alot..

and 2ndly.. would like to tell baby that thanks for everything.. and i hope u liked ur present.. =)

and lastly.. i would also wanna apologise to baby.. baby.. im really sorry for wad happened..

2007-10-17T21:42:00.000+08:00

im totally wasted. sick to the max. tears are drying. breath are heavy. sick to the max. but i still love you.

2007-10-17T12:53:00.000+08:00

whatever i do seems to be wrong.. well.. doesnt really matters.. jus came back from hospital.. went in last night.. feeling damn sick now.. how i wish.. never mind.. haha..

2007-10-14T10:39:00.000+08:00

wads the purpose? lol.. i think most ppl are really excited to get their class 3 or class 2b.. but not me.. so what if i had my license? honestly.. whats the purpose of u having a license when u dont even get to drive or ride? i dun understand.. well.. as much as im upset now.. im equally pissed.. once again.. i jus wish to let some fuckers know.. get out of my life..

2007-10-04T12:22:00.000+08:00

i guess i'm just unhappy. haha.

2007-09-19T02:28:00.000+08:00

suddenly feeling kinda low.. no idea why.. but having teary eyes now.. wonder issit whether im tired or whether im feeling sad.. haha.. suddenly i feel so stucked in the current world.. what am i actually doing? the feeling is so so so.. well i dunno how should i describe the feeling.. lame right? haha.. been ages that i really got a chance to really chill and relax.. forget about everything.. sometimes when i ask myself.. am i a good bf? am i a good son? or am i a good student? or maybe i can even ask myself.. so how have u been my dear fren? referring to myself..

no idea wads really wrong with me.. doesnt seem to be the me anymore.. i used to wonder.. how i wish i could stay at my toddler's time.. when there's really nth to worry about.. but well.. time dont turn back as when as u wish.. its only a matter of fact.. no doubt about it.. yes.. some people might think im hot tempered.. some people might even think im useless.. but well.. are u sure? lol.. heck it.. doesnt really matters..

in this modern world.. i guess money is the most impt things.. in the past.. frenships and ties are more impt den anything.. but now that im reaching adulthood.. i start to ponder.. what would i be in the future if i do not have any money.. i guess thats when people say.. "money is the root of all evil".. i've started to forget the importance of relationships and close knit ties.. i've been always pondering about money money and MORE money.. so issit becos of the materialistic world or issit becos of me? or issit becos of people or things around me? i have no idea..

people say committing suicide is the most stupid thing ever.. well i think i can understand.. sometimes im thinking i should just die.. not being emotional.. but i just feel my life is just so.. no idea wad should i fill in there.. but well.. currently listening to 迷路兵 - 泪.. kinda making me feel emotional.. haha.. pretty stupid me.. haha.. anyway my blog has been so dead.. no one will read anyway.. posting here will be nice.. as i can really let myself out.. i can say wadever i want.. no one will care..

so.. am i happy? thats the question i always ask myself.. when was the last time i really smiled with my heart.. not laugh.. but really smile.. cant rmb when was the last time either.. but well.. life's never fair.. and i dun think i've been fair to myself either.. i wouldnt say im unhappy.. but i guess.. im just feeling pretty distorted.. that not nice feeling keeps lingering around me.. well.. i guess i'll just end here..

2007-08-28T01:52:00.000+08:00

cant sleep so decided to blog abit.. lols.. i just blog for fun and to make myself feel better when im feeling down nowadays.. cos no one visits my blog anyway.. lol!.. anyway.. my baby's sick.. out of a sudden.. well.. baby do take care of ur own body ya? =)

its holidays now and yet im not enjoying.. rather bored.. cant work either.. cos holiday's so short.. damn.. AHH IM BORED NOW! =( cant sleep at all.. heck it.. aint gonna type alot.. gd night everyone.. =)

2007-08-22T00:39:00.001+08:00

suddenly.. i just felt like blogging.. and suddenly.. im not happy at all.. haha.. kinda lame right? but 1stly like to thank all of those who wished me a happy bday.. thanks.. and to isn guys.. thanks alot.. and of cos.. thank you baby =)..

hmm.. no idea why im feeling kinda down either.. dammit..

2007-07-27T22:22:00.001+08:00

seeing you today was a blessing.. hugging you was sweet.. and kissing you was mesmerizing.. that sums up my day.. hehe =D

2007-06-28T22:23:00.001+08:00

am i ? or am i not ?

its 1251am.. many things float through my mind.. what have i becomed? am i correct or am i wrong? everyone has their own sayings.. i've encountered failed relationships.. but never one was so important compared to now.. i guess its the time frame that changes all these factors.. i guess at the end of the day.. i should be the one responsible.. never in my life i've felt this way.. i guess.. no one really noes either.. im drowning into a sea of tears.. or maybe i could have said.. rest in peace bryan.. u can never be happy again? i dont noe.. im lost..

its 421am.. im home yet still i havent gone to bed.. haha.. locking myself in my own room.. feeling desperate and feeling lost.. i feel numb too.. cant feel it in any way.. my heart is bleeding.. my eyes are tearing.. what should i do? i've got the urge to sms baby.. really i have.. but at the end i chose not too.. cos i just want her to wake up with a nice day.. i supposed.. rather den making her upset again.. so am i who i am? i have no idea..