scribbled ; 2:28 am on Wednesday, September 19, 2007
suddenly feeling kinda low.. no idea why.. but having teary eyes now.. wonder issit whether im tired or whether im feeling sad.. haha.. suddenly i feel so stucked in the current world.. what am i actually doing? the feeling is so so so.. well i dunno how should i describe the feeling.. lame right? haha.. been ages that i really got a chance to really chill and relax.. forget about everything.. sometimes when i ask myself.. am i a good bf? am i a good son? or am i a good student? or maybe i can even ask myself.. so how have u been my dear fren? referring to myself..

no idea wads really wrong with me.. doesnt seem to be the me anymore.. i used to wonder.. how i wish i could stay at my toddler's time.. when there's really nth to worry about.. but well.. time dont turn back as when as u wish.. its only a matter of fact.. no doubt about it.. yes.. some people might think im hot tempered.. some people might even think im useless.. but well.. are u sure? lol.. heck it.. doesnt really matters..

in this modern world.. i guess money is the most impt things.. in the past.. frenships and ties are more impt den anything.. but now that im reaching adulthood.. i start to ponder.. what would i be in the future if i do not have any money.. i guess thats when people say.. "money is the root of all evil".. i've started to forget the importance of relationships and close knit ties.. i've been always pondering about money money and MORE money.. so issit becos of the materialistic world or issit becos of me? or issit becos of people or things around me? i have no idea..

people say committing suicide is the most stupid thing ever.. well i think i can understand.. sometimes im thinking i should just die.. not being emotional.. but i just feel my life is just so.. no idea wad should i fill in there.. but well.. currently listening to 迷路兵 - 泪.. kinda making me feel emotional.. haha.. pretty stupid me.. haha.. anyway my blog has been so dead.. no one will read anyway.. posting here will be nice.. as i can really let myself out.. i can say wadever i want.. no one will care..

so.. am i happy? thats the question i always ask myself.. when was the last time i really smiled with my heart.. not laugh.. but really smile.. cant rmb when was the last time either.. but well.. life's never fair.. and i dun think i've been fair to myself either.. i wouldnt say im unhappy.. but i guess.. im just feeling pretty distorted.. that not nice feeling keeps lingering around me.. well.. i guess i'll just end here..