scribbled ; 4:45 pm on Sunday, April 01, 2007
so it seems. have i changed? where's that happy me gone too? really wanna noe. i can no longer feel myself. i can hardly breathe.

hi depression.. how are you?? its been a long time since we've met ya?? and yes i guess so..

im kinda at my wits end now.. i am a human.. i need appreciation.. i need understanding.. from ppl i love.. what am i now? fancy breaking down often like what im doing now?

i swear i NEED understanding.. please give me a break.. maybe like i've said b4.. this is the place where i let go everything.. so maybe if 1 day.. this blog is gone.. it could just mean.. im gone too..

everyone thinks im not understanding.. everything thinks i dont care.. everyone thinks im doing nothing to help.. BUT WAIT.. DO YOU ALL UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL? i guess hardly anyone will say YES.

if you guys want me dead.. GO AHEAD AND FUCKING TELL ME.. I WILL DIE NOW.. dont keep doing things that edge me slowly towards dead end.. its killing me.. its really killing me..

i've been breaking down.. so am i now as im typing this post.. ya im crying.. WHY? BECAUSE IM LOST.. my head is so damn fucking pain that its gonna explode soon.. yes SOON.. anytime.. any moment..

maybe i can only live till 20? who knows.. banging my head on the table due to the fucking pain im having now.. and YES!.. IM GONNA DIE!

i really need people to understand me.. will you?