scribbled ; 12:02 am on Wednesday, October 18, 2006
i seriously have no idea why.. im posting this.. it seems that everything is going against me.. my family hates me.. which i have no idea why.. and my buddy misunderstanding me.. and me making my gf pissed at me.. FUCK.. WHY IS ALL THESE HAPPENING TO ME?!

why are there stream of tears down my cheek now.. why should i be crying now? i really wanna let everyone noe how i feel.. BUT I CANT.. my parents never cared.. my buddy was so pissed that he felt i was never there for him when he needed me most.. when actually i was like in a sorta arguement with my precious gf.. and yet.. i really wanna let my gf noe how i feel.. but.. nvm.. i noe she's tired working.. but baby.. do u noe.. how am i thinking of u.. missing u.. worried bout u.. every moment whenever u went to work? i went to see u work.. even that short moment.. i was happy enough.. do u noe how worried i was when u told me u missed ur dinner time..? do u noe how upset i was when i felt i was misunderstood by u? do u noe how painful i felt in the heart when i feel that u are upset?

i feel really depressed.. maybe this is where i let everything out.. its driving me to the corner.. locking myself up in the room.. just cant stop crying.. will i get to see the light at the end of the tunnel? im not trying to be pessimistic.. but.. its really pushing me to the limit..