scribbled ; 11:00 pm on Thursday, September 01, 2005
after watching superstar.. and listening to weilian's wo zhen de shou shang le..
tian xia qi yu le.. ni yao shuo hua le..
hai ying wei ni xin li dui wo you xiang nian le..
zhe me ni sheng ying.. bian de leng dan le..
shi ni bian le..
shi ni bian le..
i cried.. really cried.. i dunno why.. memories all came back.. made me think again.. maybe im just such a bastard afterall.. i lost myself.. i lost it.. maybe i just dun deserve.. besides jie kou.. this is the 2nd song i really cried for.. now i understand this kinda feeling.. how ppl feel if u were to be treated this way.. but i really didnt had the chance to explain.. i really hope.. i can.. but it will never be possible.. im breaking down.. who will be there to give me a lift.. i dunno.. i just feel.. i've let alot of ppl down.. i accept that fact.. i aint good looking.. but i dun cheat on ppl.. i dun like to.. forget it.. no matter how much is being said.. nth will help anymore.. as elderly says.. what u do in the past.. u gonna suffer it now.. i believe im suffering now.. "Star in the makings"? lols? dun make me laugh.. i will nv be that star.. i'll just be that plain plain guy standing in the streets wondering.. i've lost it..

after hearing the results of superstar.. i cried again.. i dunno why.. im happy for wei lian.. he proved himself well.. i was thinking.. if he can.. y cant i? am i just too weak? i dunno.. so many things is flashing thru my mind now.. the past the present.. i lost too much.. really too much.. i cant stop crying.. hais..