scribbled ; 4:13 pm on Wednesday, August 17, 2005
well.. posting tis in sch.. after receiving a sms.. i dunno.. i hadnt make a choice yet.. maybe i have an answer.. but no matter wad answer i have now.. its no longer important.. cos.. hais.. i duno wad to say.. except sorry to the 2 of them.. maybe i dragged it too long.. after the whole afternoon.. i still cant make up my mind.. but wait.. even if i have a choice now.. will either of them want me? i doubt so.. i just let 2 good girls down.. =) i know im stupid.. did alot of things i shouldnt.. took gambles that i shouldnt do.. both girls are good girls.. both had to lie to me to keep me happy.. their white lies were so beautiful that they didnt even think for themselves.. they only thought for me.. why? i dun think wad i did deserve all these.. besides sorry.. the only other thing i can say is still sorry.. i dunno wad will happen next.. im just sorry of wad ive done.. i made all these become a mess.. both girls are just too nice from me.. hui.. im sorry to let u shed all those tears for me.. enduring scoldings from ur mum and ur dad.. i owe u too much.. as for ling.. thanks for being there for me.. u told me to never give up.. yet i gave up.. i oso owe u too much.. u pretended to be happy.. but i knew u well.. i noe thats not a nice feeling.. u are more cheerful.. but for me to add more pain to wad u are suffering now.. its still a sorry to u.. maybe a guy like me.. just dont deserve 2 guys.. its the 1st time i've encountered a situation like that.. i just hope i can seek for u girls forgiveness.. even if u 2 decide not to forgive me.. i wont blame u.. i blame it on my own.. sorry.. the pain i feel is nothing compared to u 2.. and to u hui.. u are fragile yet.. i couldnt make u happy.. and to ling.. u are cheerful.. but u dun tell ur problems to others.. tend to keep it to urself.. and tend to make urself upset.. im sorry.. really sorry.. i will remember this incident till the day i leave this world.. cos its my 1st.. and it will be my last too.. i wont get to make the same mistake again.. cos i think ive met the best 2 girls ive ever met in my whole life.. so.. i wont wanna fall in love as its only hurting.. cos i think all i can do is to let ppl down.. not being pessimistic.. i feel so guilty.. sorry..

ps: to the 2 girls.. i cant say much.. but only sorries to the 2 of u.. and of cos.. happy early bday to the 2 of u.. hais.. i hope u 2 will be happy.. it doesnt matter wad will happen to me.. it wont matter anymore.. sorry..