scribbled ; 11:43 pm on Saturday, July 02, 2005
i didnt expect myself to be blogging right now.. without the right frame of mindset.. i dunno wad i said gonna be realistic anot.. i've never been good frens wif this word.. "relationship" i dunno y.. but somehow.. this word seems to hate me alot.. nuff said.. im feeling empty.. nth in this world can make me happy again.. except her.. but that dream is never gonna come true.. i find it hard to accept her decision.. in fact i nv will accept that decision.. cant 2 love birds just live happily ever after? why did some factors have to spoil this 2 love birds.. i dun understand y.. im sick and tired.. mentally.. been crying for the past 2-3 days.. those tears just cant stop flowing.. i tried hard to be strong.. but i couldnt.. friends encouragements mean nth now.. i noe they mean well.. but they wouldnt understand how im feeling now.. its all over for me.. im back to the old useless me.. im dead.. as good as dead.. i've decided to stopped competitive gaming.. at the end of this month.. its a decision.. i've thought thru.. when im with her.. now without her.. its worst.. definitely i dun have the right frame of mind to compete.. so im leaving it for good.. as for studies.. im destined to fail my common test in 2 weeks time.. i told my mentor about that.. he says.. its up to me to decide.. and i've decided.. semester 1.. wont be my year.. i'll be leaving it rot.. thats all i hafta say.. im speechless.. im dead..