scribbled ; 11:36 pm on Sunday, January 30, 2005
feeling really down this few days.. it was the final nail in the coffin today for me.. life to me.. will never be the same again.. she told me today.. she was sort of forced to be engaged wif her dad's fren's son.. on the spot.. i dropped my fone.. tears sprung out of my eyes.. nth could describe that kinda feeling.. i knew i had to tell her.. or else i wont have my chance anymore.. i told her i liked her.. but it was too late.. she didnt wanna let her parents down.. and forcing herself to accept someone she dont even noe.. she said.. 1st impressions counts.. which guy wont give a good impression to a girl when they 1st meet them? ridiculous.. its the 21st century.. and she's going thru blind engagement.. wth? i cant believe it.. i would rather she told me a lie that she hated me or something.. and not this reason she told me.. i just cant take it.. i went mad.. she said.. if she managed to get along with the guy.. we wont even have the chance to be frens.. she would feel guilty.. and definitely embarrassement when we meet each other.. i told her.. forget it.. its her decision.. i cant force her.. and im thinking.. y didnt i told her earlier.. but even if i had done so.. would that make a difference? i changed for her.. kicking away my bad habits.. and now.. it has all gone down the drain.. its all over.. im giving it all up.. but one thing.. i just couldnt believe my eyes.. engagement.. she's so young.. i cant take it.. im going mad.. but i really had to thank ppl around me for their support.. chin-jie, BFL! nx and Sis rach.. thx for ur support.. but.. i noe.. basically my chance of having her now is actually 0% even though she said 1st impression count.. as i said.. guys will always impress girls in their 1st meeting.. i have given up on everything.. nth is gonna change my life.. its all over.. =(